RIDDICK: Vin Diesel Can See You in the Dark

Richard B. Riddick (escaped convict, murderer) lives in a dangerous, if oddly disconnected, cinemaverse. We first met Riddick in 2000's Pitch Black, in which he relied on massive lats and occasional sexual harassment to survive a pack of deeply light-averse aliens. The sequel, 2004's The Chronicles of Riddick, found him battling the NECROMONGER, an invading empire of brutal religious zealots. It had nothing to do with Pitch Black. It stands to reason Riddick would have (almost) nothing to do with either of the first two.

Riddick is space survival horror in it's simplest form. Man is betrayed and left behind on a remote planet, and must demonstrate that he's more BADASS than said planet to survive. And no one is more badass than Riddick. Not space wolves, not poisonous alien snake-gators (the movie features both), and certainly not a bunch of bounty hunters Riddick draws down using their own beacons. All would like to see our buff anti-hero dead. All will leave the theater unsatisfied (and seriously, that's not a spoiler. Vin Diesel never dies, unless he's trying to save Matt Damon).

What sets Riddick apart from it's predecessors is self-awareness. Where PB and CoR played it dead straight, Riddick seems to think that "yoked dude with shiny eyes that let him see in the dark beats a lot of ass" (and even rule it) could be construed as a silly premise. There's more than a few winknods for fans of the series, and even by his already impressive standards, Riddick draws from a cartoonishly deep well of testosterone. These are decisions I understand, but...I dunno. I'm not sure it works here.

The problem isn't anything Vin Diesel is doing wrong. The tone just doesn't fit. James Bond doesn't get drunk and brag about all the play he gets, because it simply isn't done. There are rules in every cinematic world. If you break those rules, your movie doesn't work. And Riddick breaks the rules. Not severely, not in a way that renders it unwatchable, but enough. Maybe I'm just disappointed it wasn't Pitch Black all over again, but seriously, I never thought I'd see the day that a sci-fi movie featuring bone fights, mercenaries, and sort of topless Kara Thrace could leave me anything but giddy. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT, DAMMIT. And it's only okay, firmly occupying the middle ground between the awesome that was Pitch Black and the clown show that was Chronicles. You let me down, Riddick. Please don't stab me for telling you that.

Directed By: David Twohy 

Starring: Vin Diesel, Starbuck, and Judge Dredd for about 3 minutes.

You Should see it if: You should really see Pitch Black instead.