Devil's Due: Satan Gets Sloppy

When it comes to high grade horror films, no villain has repeatedly gotten the job done better than *the Devil*. Satan plays foil in three of the genre's finest offerings: The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, and The Omen. It's rare a villain is featured in more than one classic; Michael Myers, Jaws, and the Overlook Hotel all had one iconic appearance before spinning into the dead zone of sequels and remakes. Lucifer simply has the most scare game.

Classics notwithstanding, the father of lies has also been responsible for some real shit burgers, like Damien: The Omen II, and The Devil Inside. Devil's Due deserves prime placement in the latter category.

Shit Burger

Devil's Due is the story of one poor woman's destiny to birth the Antichrist. Actually, per the opening credits it's not the Antichrist, it's just an Antichrist. Impressive twist, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett! Why should I give two shits about your story if there's gonna be another UnJesus born 5 blocks over? 

The plot is as follows: newly wed couple honeymoons in Central America, wife parties too hard, gets abducted by Satanists and light-raped by the Devil (seriously, he knocks her up by blasting her with a beam of hell light, as far as I can tell), demonic hijinks ensue. 

Devil's Due is rich in cliches. During her pregnancy, Allison Miller's Samantha exhibits super human strength and telekinesis, develops a taste for raw meat, and starts killing animals. In case that doesn't satisfy your taste for tired stuff you've seen before, the entire film is shot documentary style, a la The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity. It's boring, but at least it doesn't look good!

How stupid Zach (Zach McCall), Samantha's husband, is also bears addressing. His freak out level at all the weird going down is grossly insufficient. I realize this is a sin frequently perpetrated by all sorts of movie characters, but seriously, his wife could be eating a dog alive in front of him and all he'd think was "she wasn't quite herself." That's his response to everything; "Samantha just doesn't seem herself." SHE GUTTED A DEER AND MURDERED A TEENAGER WITH HER MIND, MOTHERFUCKER. I know you were asleep when that was going on, but come on, there were hints!

I'm a defender of horror movies. I love them, and will love them forever, no matter how many times this happens. But man, Devil's Due is a brazen middle finger to fans of the genre. It shouldn't exist, and it certainly doesn't deserve your money. Do better things with your time.

Directed By: Matt Bettellini-Olpin & Tyler Gillett

Starring: Allison Miller, Zach Gilford (What's up QB 1!)

You Should See it if: Someone's kidnapped a family member and is demanding your viewing this as ransom.